Monday, December 30, 2019

Virtual Book Tour: Once Upon a Time, Bitches by Branden LaNette

Good morning! Please welcome author Branden LaNette to Full Moon Dreaming. She is here to talk about her new release, Once Upon a Time, Bitches. Branden will be awarding a $50 Amazon/BN GC to one randomly drawn commenter during the tour via Rafflecopter. The more you comment, the better your chances of winning. To find the other stops on her tour, go here. Don't forget to look for the Rafflecopter at the end of this post!

Once Upon a Time, Bitches
by Branden LaNette


GENRE:   Self-help



That’s Branden on the cover. Yes, she has a boy’s name, a Mom bod, and her tattoos are not photoshopped. She doesn’t look like your typical author and she sure doesn’t look like the next self-help Instagram sweetheart. 

However, besides being a wife, mom to six kids (plus others with fur), coach and business owner, Branden is the author of the new book, Once Upon a Time, Bitches. It’s a fast paced, in your face, expletive laced, nothing held back message to women everywhere: There is no magic fairytale, but if YOU work at it enough you can come pretty close to creating your version with a happily ever after. 

But first, no more whining and no more damsel locked in a tower, bullsh*t. Is it possible to design a fairytale life? Control your destiny? Be the hero in your story? Branden thinks there is and she wants to help you.



Success is different for everyone, clearly. Right now, with an 8-month-old baby in my arms as I type this, I define success as getting clothes onto both of us.

Success doesn’t have anything to do with your bank account, either. So don't think you can’t speak up in a meeting or approach someone with a business idea just because you think they’re “more successful” than you are. Fantastic Fran may be making $1 million per year and you’ve only got only $47.22 in the bank.

Your idea could be worth $10 million, maybe more, who knows? You’ll never know unless you speak up and take a chance.

Success also has nothing to do with followers, likes or clicks. And it sure as fuck isn’t about approval from friends and family.

Move the f on with that sh*t.

“Success” is what you say it is. It is waking up AF to be alive. Success is wearing your heart on the outside and sharing a gift with another human. Success is happiness in the things you do, not in the things you have.

Success isn’t ANYTHING anyone else tells you it is. It’s what you tell yourself it is. Which ultimately means that, if you’re taking my advice, you should ignore everything I just said success is and/or isn’t because, in the end, only you can define what in the fuck success is for you. Only you.

Only you.

Don’t let me or anyone else define what makes you happy. Your inner feelings define what success is, and your smile describes it to the world.

Fran thinks I am a hot mess, and she’s right. Karen thinks I’m a superstar, and she’s right, too. Neither of their opinions affect my definition. Neither of their judgements dulls my shine.

I know I’m a success because I have everything I’ve ever wanted, saggy boobs and all. I could do without some of the cellulite, but now we’re just nitpicking.


AUTHOR Bio and Links:

Branden LaNette doesn’t look like a typical author but she has long ignored what she “should” do, say and look like. On her own at a very young age, Branden eventually found herself with the wrong guy, the wrong job, and a bleak future. The fairytale she was promised as a child never materialized.
Finally, Branden decided that she wanted something different for her life, and realized no one was going to do it for her. Prince charming wasn’t coming to save her—she’d have to save herself.
Step by step, decision by decision, through major trials and tribulations that would stop most people in their tracks, Branden learned how to turn heartbreak into happiness and self-judgement into inner joy.
Today, Branden LaNette is an entrepreneur, coach, speaker, wife, and stay-at-home Mom to six C-section babies (ages 1-16) and way too many f-ing pets. Somehow, however, she manages to juggle all of this effortlessly (a blatant lie) while pushing her way through the kinds of fear and self-doubts that whisper within all of us (totally true) to achieve her goals. Her most recent dream come true is this book, one that is destined to have a major impact on millions of women across the globe (or at least nine people in Michigan.)
Through it all, she has found her happiness, her joy, and more importantly, her voice. 
Contact Info:

Twitter: @Branden_Lanette
Hashtags: #OnceUponaTimeBitches #OUATB


Full Moon Dreaming

Once Upon a Time, Bitches by Branden LaNette
Blog Q & A
1. Let me say first that I am on Day Three of “No sugar and No alcohol.” This is easy then – if I were marooned on a small island and had only one person and item of my choice, I would take my husband and a shovel. I’ll let you imagine what happens next.

2. If I had to choose a musical that best exemplifies my life, it would be “Waitress.” I’d be the waitress. Only I escape all of the negative bullshit in my life by facing it and writing about it, instead of selling pies.

3. A scene using the words Hammer, Saucer, and Traffic Lights?! I wish the words were hammered and sauced. But I’ll make this work.  “Gripping the steering wheel, I couldn’t wait for the traffic lights to change. I had never been so mad in my life. All I could hear was his apology over and over. It made my stomach f**king turn. I could taste the vomit daring to come up. My face was wrinkled in disgust. I looked down and saw the blood trickling down my hand. The broken saucer I picked up must have sliced it and I didn’t even feel it. I never knew a red light could last so long. I hope I wiped my fingerprints off of the hammer.” 

4. What’s my idea of romantic time with my SI? Romantic time with my husband, is probably enjoyed best during our drives in the country. Minus the kids of course. We have our best talks and come up with our biggest dreams during these times

5. When I start a new story do a start with a character or a plot. Well you just gave me three words and I came up with a story, so I think I’m very versatile. I feel like I have a character with the story and that unfolds into something bigger.

6. As far as my favorite villain, I love Maleficent. after being so broken, she still found a way to love truly and deeply. I relate to that a lot.

a Rafflecopter giveaway


  1. Love the cover and title. Sounds really good.

  2. How long did it take you to write your book?

    1. The writing part is easy, a few days in a hotel room LOL the part that takes forever is everything else haha!

  3. Your book sounds like a great read and thank you for sharing it with us.

  4. Love your page! Thank you so much for having my book on the blog.

  5. I love the blue dress and tiara on the cover! My email is

  6. I really like the cover and think the book sounds good.

  7. Happy 2020! My email is

  8. Thanks for sharing your book with us.

  9. Hope everyone is having a terrific Tuesday!

  10. Here's to a wonderful Thursday!