Tuesday, November 8, 2011

A Few Thoughts on Lying and Cheating

I was going to talk about Hell on Wheels today, but I'll save that for another time. There's been a veritable maelstrom within the m/m community due to the revelation that one of its most revered male writers has been revealed to be a woman. Fur, spit and toxic substances have been flying back forth, along with a whole lot of vitriol, harsh words, criticisms, and condemnations, as well as defenses, offenses, and nasty language.

I read some of both sides, thought about the situation, but didn't come to any conclusions until I read the author's coming out at his blog, and learned evidence of which I was unaware, that nobody had actually  made clear in any of the other shite I waded through. The author in question is not simply a female parading in man's clothing - he is transgendered.

Does that make a difference, you ask? Of course it does. It makes all the difference in the world.

This author, AJ, is a transgendered person, what we would refer to as ftm - female to male. Just like Chaz Bono. Is Chaz Bono a male? Yes, he is. He doesn't have all the equipment, perhaps, but he's got the soul of a male and he lives as a male. His own mother refers to him as her son.

Is AJ a male?  Yes he is.

So, what do we have here? A transgendered  male writing  m/m romance. Is there a problem with that?  No. The problem lies with the lies that were told regarding his experiences as a gay male, which are patently untrue, as well as the claims that male m/m writers do it better. Obviously untrue.

I don't even care about using a guy's picture on FB. Hell, I do that. I just don't say that's me (which would be ridiculous because anyone can look at it and see that it's clearly Ian Sommerhalder). Using a friend to play the part was of questionable judgment, but it was a one time thing, and it's past.

People are angry with AJ for what they perceive as deception. The fact that he is a biological female but a transgendered male is actually no one's business. You all don't need to know everyone's business. Seriously. Do you like what he writes? Do you enjoy reading it? Then that's all you need to know. He didn't lie about being a male - he is a male. After all, it's not the parts that counts, it's the heart. Be mad about the lies. I'm sure AJ's kicking himself for those even now. But he can't change what was, so why beat him up for it? Get over it and move on.

I have a theory why some of the ladies are upset, and mind you, it's just my own theory, nothing more - I think some of them get off on thinking he's a guy with a dick, even though were that the case, he'd still be off-limits to them. But still, there are some women who clearly get off on gay men, and they can't handle the idea that he isn't one of them.

One thing will remain constant - his writing. The song remains the same, whatever your perception of the singer.

Plus, I think he's done us female writers of m/m romance a favor. He's shown the world that  you don't need a dick to write m/m romance. You just need the soul.  So, in conclusion, I say - AJ, you keep on shining, and being who you are. Don't let the bitches bring  you down.

Second thought for the day - it came to my attention recently that some people pre-write for NaNoWriMo. Admittedly, I don't know much about this novel writing month thing, as I've never participated. But I asked, and was told, that pre-writing is technically cheating. But that people do it.

My question is - does this make it okay? Cause other people do it?

I have to say that's a ridiculous notion. Remember when you were a kid and you wanted to do something and you told your mom, "But all the kids are doing it," and she said, "If all the kids were to jump off a bridge, would you do that too?" Well, there's a certain logic to that, even if you didn't realize it at the time.

Other people doing something doesn't sanctify it or make it right. The fact that they get away with it doesn't matter either. So, let's say you pre-write however many words, and thanks to that, you make the goal of 50k within the allotted time, and you "win" NaNoWriMo. Great, right?  No, not really. You know the truth. Actually, you failed, no matter what you have that shows you to be a winner. Deep inside you know the truth.

So what have you actually gained? Nothing. What have you lost? Nothing. Except maybe a little self-respect. That's up to you. It's all a matter of what you can live with.

My question is this, for those who participate in NaNoWriMo on a regular basis. If you can do this for one month out of the year, why not the other eleven? It's up to you what energies you expend where.

In conclusion, the world is not a black and white kind of place. There are many areas of grey. Before you leap to judge, learn the facts, and don't let emotion blind you. You think with your brain, and feel with your heart. There's a reason why these two organs are in separate locations. Don't get them confused.

And remember this, before you cast judgment on someone, such as AJ - judge not, lest you be judged.

That's all for today, got editing and writing to do - and living. Found a great recipe for chicken, but it has to sit overnight. If it turns out well, I'll share it with you. It does look good. I should do that, actually, share recipes I've tried and enjoyed.

Have a great day, and remember to love, not hate.

Til next time, take care!

♥ Julie


  1. Great blog Julie!

    I agree with what a lot of people including AJ has said on both sides.

    Calling this person out on the blog, a public forum is unacceptable.

    Yes be angry but whether male or female or trans, this is a human. People forget that.

  2. Well, darn, my naive is showing. I would have never thought anyone would pre-write for NaNoWriMo. It kind of defeats the purpose. I actually think anyone who does this losses big time because now they can't tell how much they are actually able to write when they really set their minds to it.

    As far as AJ, I just don't get it. AJ made some really bad choices by using a fake photo etc. But, if someone is reading M/M romance AND they are enjoying it, I would think they would be more open minded and understanding. It probably took a lot of courage for AJ to decide to live his true life. It probably took even more to begin writing the stories in his head.

    Oh well, I think the world is kind of wacky! Great post today. Really made me think.

  3. Can he write?


    The rest doesn't matter.

    Go AJ. =)