Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Silver Flash #12: Yes He's My Ex: The Government Lends a Hand

Here we are at Hump Day again, which must mean it's time for another Silver Flash. The story of Sonny and Tim continues with this week's installment in their saga.  Our prompt was: "Wouldn't that be romantic?"  Don't forget to check out all the Silver Flashers. This week we have a bonus - a scavenger hunt. You'll find the details here:

Without further ado, I give you

The Government Lends a Hand

As I pivot around to face the unknown, I instinctively put a protective arm about Sonny, thinking that somehow the numbnuts have caught up with us. Let them bring it on. I’m ready to fight for him, no matter what it takes. That is, if I can manage not to fall off this bench in the process.

But it’s not either one of them, it’s some guy in a shiny suit with a ten dollar smile that looks like a walking advertisement for tooth whitener.  He’s reaching into his breast pocket. I start to stiffen, but he’s only pulling out his wallet.

“Mr. Mansfield?” he asks, before turning to Sonny.  “Mr. Scrignoli?”

Before I can tell Sonny not to reply, he has.

“That’s us, that’s us.” Grinning like a striped ass baboon. Moron.

“I’m Agent Ronald Nelson. Of the Fed’ral Bureau of In-vesti-ga-tion.” He flashes something gold at us. It’s here and gone in a split second. We don’t even get a chance to blink or process what we see before he’s moved on, turning his attention to the dimwit behind us.

“Mr. Dale Camel?”

What? I turn toward Dale in disbelief. Camel?  Seriously? As in Joe? Who has a name like that?

Apparently Dale does. He looks like he would rather crawl under the picnic table than answer. I can’t help but enjoy watching him squirm.

“Did Daddy send you?” he bleats.

This only gets confusing the longer it goes on. Why would anyone’s father send the FBI after them? Am I crazy or what?

“Indirectly,” the federal agent replies cautiously, and my brain begins to work, trying to make sense of things. Camel, Camel, Camel. Should I maybe know that name?

And then it hits me.  Surely he isn’t talking about—he can’t mean—Giuseppe Camel? Well known crime boss and gangster? Well known in our part of the world, that is. And owner of the notorious Cameltoe Restaurant and Lounge? Holy shit on a frosted Cheerio, and what the hell? How funny is it that the man’s nickname is Joe Camel, just like the one in the cigarette advertisements.

And that guy is Dale’s daddy?  Then why—

You know what? I don’t even care. This is obviously Dale’s gig, it’s time for me and Sonny to split the scene. “Well, it’s been swell,” I say—insincerely—as I stand up and offer Sonny my hand so that he can do the same. “But we really gotta go. Dale, have a nice life, away from Sonny.” I glower at him for good measure and hope he takes my less than subtle hint. Let’s just step away from the nice officer, or agent, or whatever he is, and get the fuck out of Dodge, and back—

It doesn’t work like that. Of course. Agent Nelson blocks us with a quick hand and an apologetic grin. “I’m sorry, Mr. Mansfield, but this concerns you and Mr. Scrignoli as well as Mr. Camel.”He waves his free hand toward the picnic table. “Why don’t we all have a seat and discuss the situation, calmly and rationally, like good citizens?”

As if on cue, two other dark-suited men appear from nowhere. Their jackets bulge suspiciously somewhere in the chest area, and their eyes are dead serious. No choice but to sit down and listen.  Nelson takes a seat beside Dale, which prevents him from rising and coming around the table, so I guess the FBI guy’s good for that much; maybe he can keep Stupid in line, at least til we figure out what is going on here.

“How does it concern us?”

Sonny meeps a little, and I take his hand and squeeze it reassuringly. I feel a little less anxious at being out from under the potentially painful aegis of Carlo and his stooge, but I’m not totally reassured that we’re out of the fire yet.

The Federal guy ignores me and my question, focusing on Dale instead. “The men who kidnapped you? What did they want?”

“More money than I had to give,” Dale whines, casting a quick glance first at Sonny, then at me.

“What, are they loan sharks?” I ask, trying to maintain a foot in the conversation, since I’m forced to be here. I assume that’s what happened, that Dale borrowed more money than he could pay back, what with the exorbitant interest rates those guys charge. But if his dad is really Joe Camel, that makes no sense either.

“Among other things,” the FBI guy says glibly. Can he be any more vague? “In the meantime—“

What? Did I miss something?

“We’re going to put you three up in a hotel. For safekeeping.” He flashes us another government grin—I think they must get them by the gross.

“Now just wait a minute…,” I protest, the sound of my voice drowned out by Sonny’s excited cries of, ”Sleepover!” Dale reaches across the table for a high five and his hand and Sonny’s meet in the middle, before I can stop them.

Gee, me and Sonny and Dale in one hotel room. Now,  wouldn't that be romantic?

I clear my throat, pull Sonny’s hand back possessively and start again. “Last time I checked, this was still the United States of America, and I believe we have a right to have some sort of a say-so in what—“

My words are arrested by a sharp crack which comes out of nowhere.

“Down, now!” Agent Nelson barks, pushing Dale under the picnic table. The other two suits waste no time in hustling me and Sonny into the same tight space, while another shot—I’ve finally figured out that’s what that is—rings out, wounding a nearby tree.

I throw myself over Sonny. “Keep your head down,” I instruct him. Dale is far too close for my liking, although it can’t really be helped. Or can it? I kick him sharply with one foot, never releasing my hold on Sonny, and then I begin to pray.

Be sure to check out the other Silver Flashers:

Sui Lynn          m/m
Ryssa Edwards         m/m
Heather Lin       m/f
Pender Mackie        m/m
LM Brown              m/m
Lindsay Klug        m/f
Nicole Dennis          m/m          Flash Virgin!
Victoria Blisse       m/f
Lily Sawyer          m/m

Come back next week for more of Sonny and Tim!

♥ Julie


  1. Okay, gotta say it ... Love the Joe Camel connection. Totally cracks me up! Can't wait to see whats going to happen next week.

  2. I have a very warped mind, I think lol

  3. Joe Camel, that is a riot! good one! This story just gets better and better and more angsty by the week.

    can't wait for more

  4. I love it. Joe Camel was to funny. Tim kicking him to get him away from Sonny in that small space, had tears coming. Keep up the story

  5. I am afraid that the Joe Camel line was completely lost on me. Still keeping me hooked though.

  6. Joe Camel was the "spokesman" for Camel cigarettes, back in the day. The company was forced to drop him after charges that they were trying to hook children into smoking by using a cartoon character, which was a totally lameass argument at best.