The Questions
1: You’re marooned on a small island with
one person and one item of your choice—who is that person and what item do you
have?
Christina
Hendricks and the key to the handcuffs she’s wearing.
2: Which musical would you say best
exemplifies your life – and which character in that musical are you?
Man
of La Mancha. I’d be Don Quixote, always charging headlong at windmills.
3: Take these three words and give me a 100
word scene using them: captain, sausage,
and ridge.
All
Tom Conrad wanted to do was get people to read his damn ebooks (available on
Amazon/Kindle), and now this lady - a lovely lady at that - was asking him to
insert words like sausage and ridge into a sentence.
“Oh Captain, my Captain, what do I need to
do to sell these damn ebooks?” Tom Conrad suddenly thought, rather obscurely
picturing that film with Robin Williams in it, and all those sensitive young
boys standing on tables and committing suicide. Hm, Tom Conrad further mused, I’ve
just used them all, haven’t I? Yes.
Yes, I have!
4: You’ve just been let loose in the world
of fiction, with permission to do anyone you want. Who do you fuck first and
why?
Ha.
I love the expression “do”. I would do Lady Galadriel from the Lord of the
Rings books: her beauty is legendary and I like older women. Admittedly, I
think she’s 3,000 years old, but just think about all the “experience” she has.
Of course, we’d be making love, not fucking ;)
5: What is your idea of how to spend
romantic time with your significant other?
I’m
single, having just come out of a short-lived relationship, though we kind of
termed it as “dating” throughout. My ideal scenario would be listening to our
favorite music: sharing our favorite songs, drinking wine and “doing one
another” on the floor, bed… or in a big bath tub. Actually, taking a bath
together (whilst listening to music) would be my ideal date.
6: When you start a new story, do you begin
with a character, or a plot?
It’s
very much differed with each of my works.
With
my debut novel, Rich Pickings for Ravens (a humorous mystery/romance) I started
with the character, Midnight Merlot. The idea for the character was central. We
follow Midnight as he tries to remember how he ended up dead and also why none
of his ex-girlfriends have attended his humanist funeral.
In
my latest novel, That Coxom & Blondage Affair (bawdy rom-com) it was the
plot that came first, i.e. I wanted to write about Internet dating and bubbling
in my head I had an idea for a slight Fifty Shades parody.
7: If they were to make the story of your
life into a movie, who should play you?
Christina
Hendricks: I’ve always wondered how I’d look with massive boobs?!
8: Who’s your favorite horror villain and
why?
The
shark in Jaws (unnamed). They really should’ve gotten a bigger boat.
Actually,
I’m a big fan of a lot of American TV. I love Breaking Bad, Dexter and appreciate
the brilliance of Thomas Harris (novels and movie adaptations): Hannibal is
probably the best and most chilling villain ever created.
9: Do you have an historical crush and if
so, who is it?
I
fantasize about one of my old sociology tutors a fair bit - don’t roll your
eyes at me, I could’ve said history tutors ;)
10: Is there a story that you’d like to
tell but you think the world isn’t ready to receive it?
I’ve
several alternative dating books I want to release as soon as possible. I’m not
sure how they’ll be received but I hope it will shake the world up a bit, along
with “hopefully” getting some pulses racing. All in all, I’ve quite a few pies
in the oven, so I’m optimistic I’ll get them out and people will actually read
and feast on them. At the moment I’ve eight titles on Amazon/Kindle: two
full-length novels and a collection of shorter works. It’d be great if people
checked them out and gave them a try.
Anyway,
big THANKS to everyone who read this far and of course thank you to Julie for
some grand questions.
Please
read the excerpt below and most importantly go and BUY my books. They’re a good
read, honest!
An excerpt from Chapter Six of That
Coxom & Blondage Affair:
Beatrice barely
paid any mind to Dan’s unruly grammar, only a split second spent furrowing her
brow at his apparent confusion over commas and exclamation marks. Instead, she focused
on the three main pictures of Dan: three holiday snaps displayed on his public
profile, and each one of them showing his cheeky/shameless face. Indeed, in one
photo, taken in Thailand’s Tiger Temple, Dan crouched down beside a dirty
orange, worn-out looking tiger. Unfortunately, the big cat (usually a majestic and
fearsome beast) had been doped up to the eyeballs, and thus had been
temporarily unable to claw or maul the grinning Dan; not even as Dan held his
thumb up to the camera like a grinning idiot. Obviously, if the poor tiger
hadn’t have been so heavily sedated perhaps Beatrice would have been spared the
ordeal of receiving regular photos of Dan’s junk.
Not that
Beatrice truly minded looking at a cock pic, after all she loved to get her
hands and mouth on a fulsome member. The problem was... well, Dan’s member was
somewhat ugly. Not small, pencil thin or puckered, just rather unappealing.
What’s more, despite its lack of a pleasing aesthetic, Dan truly seemed
compelled to send photos of his tackle on a regular basis. The first picture
he’d sent on Monday. It’d clearly been taken in Dan’s bedroom; a small box-room
with an England flag plastered on the wall. Beatrice hadn’t replied to that
one, but a second photo; taken in a grimy looking bathroom soon followed all
the same. This latest offering, of Dan’s pride and joy poking out the top of
his briefs, displayed yet another fresh angle of his slimy and jaundice looking
manmeat.
Thanks, Daniel,
Beatrice only thought to herself, swiftly deleting the message from her inbox.
Message three:
another guy seemingly wanting to send photos.
Profile: Tweacle Tel
Tagline: Looking for a relationship...
honest!
ABOUT TOM CONRAD:
Born. Wrote many an ebook (continually
delighted people actually read them)... Not dead yet!
You can like and follow me on Twitter and
Facebook:
Facebook page:
https://www.facebook.com/tomconrad1980
Twitter: @tomconrad1980
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