Guest Blogger Kei-chan

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Silver Flash #7: Yes He's My Ex: Tim to the Rescue

Well folks, it's Wednesday, so it must be time for another Silver Flash, right?  Right! This week the saga of Sonny and Tim continues in my ongoing series, Yes He's My Ex! The prompt was "Don't look at me like that."  Enjoy!

Tim to the Rescue

My first inclination is to speed to that mall faster than a speeding bullet, but common sense says no, you’ll get pulled over and too much time will be lost in explanations to the police. My next thought is why not actually call the police? It’s a kidnapping, right? An illegal action? Isn’t that what they’re here for? To protect and to serve?

But I know that if I do that, Sonny might not come out of this alright, and I can’t bear that thought.  I just have to do this myself.

So here I am at Riverview Mall, standing in line at the Orange Julius, studying the menu—not like I don’t know it by heart or anything—and trying not to shake. When I reach the front of the line, I place my order. I have to repeat it twice, ‘cause the first time I say it I swear I sound like I’m speaking Greek.  Or Venusian or something.

“Hey Tim!”

I glance toward the sound of the voice, it’s coming from right behind me. Oh crap, not a good time to run into an acquaintance, but I just did.

“Hi Roger.” I turn back toward the counter, thinking I’ve just completed my social obligation. Wrong again, o wise one.

“Howya doing?” he comes up to me, claps a hand on my shoulder. I try not to jump too high at his touch. “Where’s your better half? How’s Sonny doing?”

Damn, another one that didn’t get the memo. I should start up a newsletter or something, call it Sonny: Yes, He’s My Ex. Jesus.

But I don’t have time now to explain, so back to incomplete truths. “He’s Sonny,” I laugh, “you know how he is.” A neat way of saying absolutely nothing but seem like I’ve answered the question.

The drinks are ready, and they’re in the carrier. Thank god. Roger opens his mouth, no doubt to ask me something else equally inappropriate, but I’ve grabbed the Orange Julii and I’m on the fly. 

“I’lltellhimyousaidhi,” tumbles out of my mouth, as I tumble out the door, racing through the mall to the exit which leads to the parking lot numbered 7E.

The parking lot is pretty deserted, ‘cause most of the stores on this side of the mall are closed, and no one parks here except maybe junkies trying to buy, or hookers wanting to sell. Luckily none of them appear to be in evidence tonight.

What there is is a single car, sitting in the right place, right under the big halogen light, the only working light on this end of the lot, under the sign that says 7E. So this must be the place, it must. And that guy lying on top of the hood must be the guy, he must.

I take a deep breath. Almost out of the woods, I hope. Calm down, Tim-tim, I tell myself. Dammit, why do I sound like Sonny? I walk purposefully toward the car, determined not to show any fear, maybe even regain some sort of upper hand.

I’ve never seen this guy before in my life. He’s long and skinny, and dressed all in brown; jacket, and pants and shoes. He looks like a walking Slim Jim. As I approach, he unfolds himself, and smiles at me.

“Tim, thanks for coming.” Like this is some kind of a social call. What a moron.

“Where’s Sonny?” I cut to the chase.

“He’s safe,” he assures me, “and he’ll stay that way. If you cooperate.”

“If I cooperate? I got your drinks, dude.” I hold up the crowded drink carrier, trying not to slosh them around anymore than I can help.

“You think that’s all we wanted? Sheee-it, you got a lot to learn, bro.  Now, get in the car, you’re gonna drive.”

“I’m gonna what?”

“Drive. It’s this thing you do when you get behind the wheel of a car. You know, with a gas pedal and a brake pedal—“

“I know what driving is,” I interrupt, refraining from calling him jackass. Or worse. “I mean, why am I driving? Where?”

“To Sonny, of course. That’s when I’ll tell you what it is you have to do.”

Great. Peachy keen. Sounds swell.

What choice do I have? In for a penny, in for a Sonny, right? 

“Fine, let’s go,” I snap. I stomp over to the driver’s side. He grabs the carrier before I can spill it, with one hand, with the other he grabs my shirt, twisting it between his fingers.

“Look, Fuckface, try anything funny, and Sonny’s gonna be sleeping with the fishes.”

Fuck, really?

Fine, whatever. Let’s just do this.

The key’s in the ignition. I realize that I can’t do anything but listen, what do I want with this guy’s car? 

Nothing, it’s Sonny I’m after. He climbs in, on the passenger side. It’s only then that I notice that he’s armed.  Shit.

He buckles himself and the orange drinks into place, and then he tells me where to go and I follow his directions and drive. He directs me into a part of town that I’m not familiar with, and it’s not long before I’m totally lost.

We’re really out in the boonies now, so far from civilization that the residents have propane tanks, a sure sign of the rural condition. I pull up to a house that sits at the end of a cul-de-sac, and he signals to me to go in.

My heart’s pounding in my head, I can barely breathe, as he pushes me inside the door.  Where is he, where is he, where is he?

There, on the sofa.  It’s him, it’s really him. It’s Sonny. I want to rush over to him, throw myself at his feet and kiss them, then count all his toes.

Hey, don’t look at me like that! I want to, but I don’t. What I do is look at the guy sitting next to him, holding his hand.

Who the fuck?

For more Silver Flash Fiction fun, check out these other Silver Flashers:

Sui Lynn m/m

RJ Scott m/m

Ryssa Edwards m/m

Lindsay Klug m/f

LM Brown m/m

Heather Lin m/m

Victoria Blisse m/f

Lily Sawyer m/m

Pender Mackie m/m

Thanks for joining us, hope you're having as good a time as we are!  See you next week!

Back from KawaKon - end of con report

KawaKon is over for another year. I hope some of you made it, it was great fun. Our next convention happens in July - 24 Hours of Potter. I hope I can survive that one lol

The con went well, I think, Registration was busy most of the time. I worked there all day Friday and Saturday and about an hour on Sunday. I never found time to go into the Dealer's Room, but that only means I didn't spend any money. I never saw the guest either, Quinton Martin, I heard he looks like a hobbit, though, and likes to flirt. There were some very interesting and well made costumes there. I saw a very good Charizard, and an Abby from NCIS.  I awarded both of them cosplay hall awards to put on their badges.  Also to the girl who played Grell from Black Butler. The ladies from Three Rivers Okiya were there and did their formal tea ceremony, and Steve and Cathy Swope put on a balljoined doll tea party. Friday night there was a Gotham Mystery Social which I hear went well, I sold 32 tickets for that.

Friday night Harley and I showed Repo! the Genetic Opera. Before that, I went to Sarah, my daughter's, Wheel of 4chan event. She and Elaine were doing that, and what I saw of it went very well, and everyone was having fun. We were very lucky after that - a guy was dressed as Graverobber at the con, and found out about the showing of Repo!, so he 'crashed' the showing and did all Graverobber's lines!  Our security chief, Deech, dressed as the Repo Man and did his!  It was amazing.

Saturday night, I sat through the showing of Hanzo the Razor: Sword of Justice. I was the only one that stayed til the end. Some left for the  yaoi panel, and some did not care for it. Hanzo is an acquired taste, I think, it's the most sexual samurai film I've ever seen, and you really don't see anything explicit, but you know what's going on. The same actor who played Zatoichi played Hanzo - Shintaro Katsu. After that, it was Rocky Horror time! For Repo! we had cupcakes and Zydrate, and we threw out fake body parts. On top of the cupcakes, we had gummy brains and kidneys. For Rocky, we had cupcakes with gummy lips, soda and leftover Zydrate, and frozen chocolate covered bananas. We sold loot bags too, in tote bags donated by Dreamspinner Press. First we had the Virgin Sacrifice - our virgins paired up and had to put condoms on bananas, after which we allowed the audience to molest them. Then, before we could start the film, there was a bit of an interruption. We noticed the lights seemed to be flashing, but we attributed that to the Rave which was going on beneath us, as well as the noise, and didn't think hard about it til someone came in and said there was a fire alarm and they were evacuating the hotel! So at about midnight we all trooped outside into the cold. Some people were barefoot, others scantily clad.  We stood there til we got the all clear to go back in. I heard it was a transformer on the fourth floor that blew, and that after that a guest got overexcited and went into cardiac arrest. Once we reassembled in the showing room and got settled, I delivered the oath (I've always wanted to do that lol) and started the movie.  It turned out that a guy who was in the audience (a really tall guy with shoulder length hair, wearing a Lolita dress) knew all the responses, and he made them, which was great!  Steve Swope dressed as Janet, but I didn't get to see, cause he wore a coat over it and I only realized it was under it when it was too late. But he did responses too, including going up to the screen for the chinfuck and spinning of the world.  It was tremendous fun! But with the delay and then the time change and then cleaning up rice afterward, it was 5 before I got to bed, and I got up again at 8.

Sunday I sat at Registration for an hour, then I went to my samurai in the cinema panel with Mikhail.  I was so nervous!  I was afraid I would totally screw up. Mikhail reassured me and told me not to be nervous, and I think the panel went well. It was fun. Not well attended, but fun. The head of Three Rivers Okiya, Yasmine, who is a very very nice lady, was there. I think I talked to her more this weekend than at any other con. I'm glad I did. We gave out prizes, including a copy of Zatoichi Meets Yojimbo, which we then showed. I only nodded off in it once lol  By the time that was done, Closing Ceremonies were under way, so Sarah and Erin and I went down there, but didn't go onto the stage, as I've done before in the past. After that, it was time to clean up, then the con chairs ordered us some Chinese food - we ate and went home. By ten I was wiped out, and went to bed til 8:30 the next morning.

I have to say that running a con is a great deal of work, but it's done with a great deal of affection and enthusiasm. I much prefer staffing a con to simply going. I like to help people have a good time, and I enjoy running Registration because everybody comes there at some point, and paperwork suits me pretty well, plus I am really anal about doing things, and I am good at handling money.  This was the first year I ever did a showing, and we did two - Repo! and Rocky Horror.  I think we'll do it again next year, it was a lot of fun.

I hope we'll have a BishieCon this year. Bishie is smaller than Kawa, but in its way it's more fun, because it's more intimate and laid back. The people who come to BishieCon are those who enjoy m/m romances and yaoi, not battle scenes and such particularly. I would like to be a guest at a con some day, I think that would be fun. Dreamspinner was the guest publisher last year, and if I hadn't already been working the con, I could have been a guest, but I was so I couldn't. C'est le vie.

That's it for now, KawaKon is done for another year. I'm ready not to be working on con stuff for a little while, I think. But soon.  Very soon I know it'll lure me back again.

Guest Blogging With Amarinda Jones

Good morning! I'm back from KawaKon and ready to begin blogging anew! Today I am fortunate to have author Amarinda Jones with me, she's going to talk about novel covers - when do they go too far?    Feel free to comment and share your thoughts on the subject! Then go to her blog, that's where you will find me, and I'm talking about honesty - is it always the best policy? See for yourself! www.amarindajones.blogspot.com

But they’re nekkid!

Just recently, You Tube sent me an email telling me I was a bad girl for putting this cover up as part of a book trailer. The problem with it?  Well, she’s just about to remove her clothes and do stuff and You Tube wasn’t happy with it. They felt it breached their guidelines. While I respect their opinion, I also suggested they may want to check out some of the naked people already on their site.

So when does a cover go too far? To me?  I’m open-minded and I believe readers have the expectation that an erotic romance is going to be pretty full on and have a cover that reflects that.  I always ask for naked, hot, naked, hot in a cover. I know what my story is about and I want to reflect that and make sure readers are under no illusions that the book will be very graphic. 

Sex has and always will be controversial from who you do it with, how many, how, where and when. Sex from the moment two strangers meet? Wait until they kiss? Or have dinner? That’s up to the individual author. I personally believe erotic romance is an extreme allowing a writer to paint a wild, off the wall-OMG-is-she shagging-him-in-the-elevator-against-the-wall-in-the-park-for-everyone-to-see moment for the reader.  Again a cover and a blurb have to reflect that. We want to shock and titillate you with wild scenes. We want you to get bang – pardon the pun – for your buck. 

Sex – it’s out there. Enjoy what you like and don’t condemn the extreme or the controversial until you at least try it.

Wanna’ see what’s so controversial about Strip For Me? You can check it out here -  http://www.evernightpublishing.com/products/Strip-For-Me-by-Amarinda-Jones.html

Strip for Me – the blurb…

Rett Cameron is stranded in Resort City without a cent to her name. She wants to go home to Australia but how does she do that without money? When one of the locals offers to pay her for sexual services she’s stunned. Sex with strangers? For money? Or is there more involved?

Hamish Clark the local strip club owner has a suggestion for Rett. Strip for me and I’ll pay you. The minute he saw Rett he wanted her. He soon discovers she has other needs than just money. But Hamish has a problem. Not all women like him. One wants him dead. 

Yep…sounds like they’re gonna’ get nekkid…

Amarinda Jones

Penn Halligan

www.amarindajones.com

www.amarindajones.blogspot.com

Be daring...read an Amarinda book

A Few Thoughts Before I Go

No, I'm not leaving for any length of time, just for a few days, but I won't have computer access, therefore no blogging. I'll just put a few thoughts down here, tell you what's going on and then say auf wiederesehen.

As you can tell by my countdown, KawaKon is upon us - tomorrow, in fact. But today we have to set up for tomorrow, so this afternoon, when Sarah gets home from school, we'll head out to the Crowne Plaza Hotel in Clayton.

Let me give you an idea of the sorts of things that will be going on tonight, a behind the scenes look, if you will.  Sarah and I will drag over the stuff we have for the con, but not our personal stuff yet. I have 48 cupcakes, for the Rocky Horror Picture Show event, which is on Saturday night. Uniced, as frosted cupcakes are a bitch to transport, we'll do the frosting at the con, and for the cupcakes that Harley is bringing for Repo! the Genetic Opera which takes place Friday night. I have toppers for the cupcakes - brains and eyeballs for Repo!, and lips for RHPS - all gummy and quite edible. I also have Zydrate for Repo! (aka blue Hawaiian punch). And body parts for members of the audience. Watch out, or the Repo man will repossess them from you!

I have the loot bags for RHPS, which we will finish stuffing tonight, I have everything in them but the rice, squirt guns and tp. Tonight we'll put the things we are storing for the con in the Starbird Room, and Eric (Katrina's father and our most excellent sound man) will unload his equipment. I will make sure I have what I need for Registration, so that tomorrow morning I'll be good to go. We might even get some early comers tonight. I'm not sure if any of the dealers are coming tonight, they might be in order to do some set up. It is a lot of work, we've been working on this for months, but it's so worth it, and I think our guests have a great time. The hotel is really nice, and the people there are both friendly and helpful. They greet us when we come in for our monthly meetings, like we're old friends or something, which is cool.

This year, I am primarily concentrating on Registration. I'll be there all day Friday and Saturday, then a little bit on Sunday. Friday night is Repo!, Saturday night is Hanzo the Razor and RHPS. Sunday is my samurai panel, Zatoichi versus Yojimbo, and closing ceremonies.  I've never been to opening ceremonies, cause you can't exactly close Registration for that, but I always make closing.

The Masquerade is one of the highlights of the con, though I've never been. I will also miss the reading of the fanfiction on Sunday. Too bad, cause I won a couple of awards.  But it conflicts with my panel. Tons of other panels and events too - go to the site to check them out:  KawaKon 2011

Going to cons is great fun. You get to meet a lot of great people, make new friends, see the fabulous costumes, and buy the things you enjoy from the dealers. I may or may not make it to the dealer's room, we'll see. I'm lucky to have a good friend like Jack who is going to bring me nourishment during the con, and make sure I don't starve to death (I know, little chance of that, but it's very sweet of him).

I am cosplaying two costumes this year - Germany from Hetalia, and an original which I am calling Donna Noble cosplaying as the Tenth Doctor. I was just putting something together for Rocky Horror, when my daughter said if I had a different shirt, I could be Ten. So I did, and so I will be on Saturday, although more like Donna Noble, since I look nothing like David Tennant.  It should be fun.  We'll pack either tonight or tomorrow morning, leave for the hotel about nine. I think Registration opens at 10. We're staying in the Staff Room, which is good, since I wouldn't want to drive home after midnight showings, and I can't afford a room.

I hope some of you will be there. If you are, say hi to me at Registration.  I'll be handling the At Con registration mostly. If not, maybe I'll see you there next year.  Next year's theme is The End of the World as We Know It.

Okay, that's it for now, I'll be back with a new blog on Monday, maybe I'll manage one Sunday night, an end of the con overview, if I can manage it.  Take care, and have a great weekend!

Flash Fiction #6: Yes He's My Ex: The Buddy System

It's Wednesday, therefore it's time for another flash fiction, brought to you courtesy of the Silver Flashers! This week's prompt was a challenge - use these three words in your story: diamond, playground and pier. Without further ado, I give you my next installment of Yes He's My Ex!

The Buddy System

Do you remember the buddy system? No, not the 80’s movie, I’ve never even seen that. It’s this thing that they drill in you when you’re in high school swim—having a buddy, making sure neither one of you drowns because there’s always someone looking out for you.  In theory, anyway. My buddy was always Sonny, no surprise there. But even before high school, like when we were in grade school, our moms made us use the buddy system on the playground. Mostly that ended up being me watching out that Sonny didn’t get hurt. If there was going to be a fight—yes, even one provoked by something Sonny did, although never malicious and often stupid—then I was gonna be the one to take the lumps, not him.

Which is what’s going through my mind as I listen to that strange voice, the one that answered Sonny’s phone but sure isn’t Sonny.  All I can think is that he’s my buddy and I gotta find him and get him out of whatever he’s gotten into now, and take his lumps for him. And hope that he hasn’t gotten himself into some serious shit.

But I think he has.

I mean, this guy is talking life and death here. Why, I don’t know. But I gotta find out.

“Know where the Riverview Mall is?”

Huh? Of course I do, Sonny and I’ve been hanging out there for years. It’s our old stomping ground. We bought our first dirty magazine there. Sure we had to wait until we were of age to do that. Before then, we managed to hijack one or two. And by hijack I do mean shoplift. I feel bad about that now, wonder if it’s bad karma come to get us somehow,  with what’s happening now.

I know, my brains are scrambled and, as usual, it’s cause of Sonny.

“Yeah, I know it. Who is this?” I finally get the balls to ask.

“Someone who’s gonna cut the cojones off your boyfriend if you don’t do just what I tell you to do.”

“Why?” I ask, trying to think, trying to wrap my head around what this guy is saying, but nothing comes to mind.

“You’ll find out,” is his only response.  “Let me tell you one thing, Tim, if you don’t do exactly what I tell you , your boyfriend is gonna take a long walk off a short pier.”

A what off a what? Seriously? Um, do you realize we don’t even live near a body of water or anything? Not an ocean or a river or anything even remotely close.  And he’s my fucking ex, not my boyfriend. Guess this guy didn’t get the memo.

‘Course some days I don’t think Sonny did either.

Part of me wants to laugh at this guy for his punk bravado attitude, but that’s a small part. The rest of me is scared shitless.  Just do what he says, get it over with. Get Sonny back and then go ahead and chew him a new asshole, if you want to.

“Okay, okay.” I have to put my other hand on top of the one that’s holding the phone, cause it just started to shake, and I’m afraid I’ll drop it if I don’t and then I’ll lose this slim connection to the person who says he has Sonny and I guess he does or else why is he saying this and oh my god, why is nothing making any sense at all?

I force myself to breathe but it comes out pretty raspy.  “I know the mall,” I repeat. “Where do you want me to go and what do you want me to do?”

“Go down to the end near the anime store, know which side I mean?”

“Um, yeah, I know where that is. Then what?”

“Next door to that is that fancy jewelry store. Can you picture it?”

I cast about in my mind. Jewelry isn’t exactly my forte, I’m not a bling kind of guy ,but then I remember the store in question. Sonny and I stopped in there once, for shits and grins, at his request, of course. He wanted us to look at rings.  For ourselves, yeah. Wedding rings. Silly, huh? Of course they don’t make wedding sets for two guys, or at least they didn’t then, I’m not sure about now. I haven’t looked lately, or even cared.

“Yeah, I know the one.” What’s the name? Heberts? Hobarts? Heebie Jeebie?  Shit, I can’t really remember and I don’t really care.  “What about it?”

“I want you to steal me a big diamond, the huge motherfucker they’ve got sitting on display in the window, the one that costs twenty gees.”

What the fuck? Okay, now I’ve heard everything. Who does this guy think he is, Marlon fucking Brando junior? If the next thing he says is something about this being the day of his daughter’s wedding, I swear I’m gonna find him and punch him within an inch of his life.

He starts to laugh.  “Just kidding, Tim. Lighten up.”

Shit. My nerves are so on edge, I’m about ready to have an accident. Thinking quickly, I wav e good-bye to Lia, cause I’m still standing there, I realize, like an idiot, and I head to my car. Might as well, right? I’m about to take a road trip.

“Okay, what do you really want then, funny guy?” I snap.

“Go past the jewelry store to the Orange Julius stand, pick up four of those to go, and meet me in the parking lot , by marker 7E.”

“7E,” I repeat, using my spare hand to start my car. Shit, do I even have cash on me? I can’t think for some reason.  I’m suddenly living in an Andy Warhol world, and I think I’m talking to Salvador Dali.

“How’s Sonny?” I demand to know. “Is he okay?”

Without another word he hangs up.

Sonny, I pray, please, please, please be okay.

Check out these other Silver Flashers for more Flash Fiction fun!

Sui Lynn - M/M

RJ Scott - M/M

Diane Adams - M/M

Ryssa Edwards - M/M

Lindsay Klug - M/M  FLASH VIRGIN!

Lily Sawyer - M/M

Heather Lin - M/M

Pender Mackie - M/M

Victoria Blisse - M/F

See you again next week!

Wrestling with Doug Starr

Today I'm please and proud to welcome author Doug Starr. He is going to talk about a very touching email he received about a book he wrote, and about his latest release.  Welcome him please, and make yourselves at home while I put on a pot of coffee.

D. H. Starr is a clean-cut guy with a wickedly naughty mind.  He grew up in Boston and loves the city for its history and beauty.  Also, having lived in NYC, he enjoys the fast pace and the availability of anything and everything.  He first became interested in reading from his mother who always had a stack of books piled next to her bed.  Family is important to D. H. and his stories center around the intricate and complex dynamics of relationships and working through problems while maintaining respect and love.  His favorite books tend to fall in the genres of science fiction, fantasy, paranormal, and coming of age.

To learn more about D. H. Starr and his books, please visit his website at www.dhstarr.com if you are 18+.

To view his young adult work and resources, visit www.dhstarrYAbooks.com.

Derek and Scott’s Story

The other day I received an amazing email from someone who read my latest release, Wrestling With Love. I don’t know an author who doesn’t LOVE receiving emails out of the blue from readers who enjoyed a book  they wrote. We work so hard to write stories that are meaningful and fun. To know there are people out there who enjoyed the work makes the effort rewarding.

For me, two of the books I have written are very personal for many reasons. Wrestling With Desire is the first book I ever wrote. I wrote it because I grew up in Newton, Massachusetts and went to school in Cambridge. I was on the wrestling team and the sport gave me confidence and a sense of accomplishment and belonging. But above and beyond where I lived and the things I did, I knew I was different; that I was gay. Back in the mid to late eighties, there were no high school LGBT support groups. Maybe there were in other places, but not anywhere I knew of. It took me five years to struggle with being gay and wondering why I was and if I could change.

It wasn’t until I was 18, home during a break freshman year of college, that I finally looked myself in the mirror and broke down. I looked at myself in the mirror and said, “Doug, you’re gay. You’re a good person and God wouldn’t have made you gay if it wasn’t a good thing. So, good for you. You’re gay and I love you.” Honestly, that is pretty much exactly what I said to myself and then I burst into tears and have never cried or felt any qualms about my sexuality ever since.

Then, in the late nineties, Dawson’s Creek came on air along with a slew of other angsty teen shows and I found myself wondering about the next generation of kids. Sure, there was a lot more gay presence in high schools and in the media, but these teens were so serious and cerebral. I was like, “Shit, I was an immature SOB and so were all of my friends. We never thought that deeply about everything.” Now I’m looking at this current generation which has become even more serious. I read some of the poetry my middle school students write. They call it emo, which, for those of you who don’t know, is short for emote and is very dark. I simply can’t believe that 13 and 14 year old kids, even younger, can write such deep and heart-rending things; things I had no conception of until I was an adult.

All of this leads to my point. I know I’m long winded and took a while to get to my message, but it’s a problem I can live with. Hopefully you can too. So here it is. I wrote Wrestling With Desire because I wanted to paint a positive image of two healthy and happy young individuals who find each other and struggle like everyone else. They have their difficult patches and struggles, but those don’t derive from being gay as much as they are about being teenagers. The coming out process was important to me and the scene where Derek comes out to his mother is exactly how it happened with me and my mom. The whole journey of writing the book was a reflection on what it had been like for me coming out as a teenager back in the eighties and I tried to bring in what it seems to be like for kids today. Even with all of the acceptance and prevalence of homosexuality and bisexuality today, kids are still being tormented and bullied and the rate of suicide for gay teens remains higher than that of their non-gay counterparts.

So I wrote Wrestling With Desire to send a message to my younger gay brothers and sisters to convey that love is love no matter who falls into it. But then I got wrapped up in my characters and they had a new story to tell. That’s where Wrestling With Love comes into the picture.

Coming out to yourself and accepting who you are is the first step toward finding happiness. You can’t be happy without giving yourself a big hug and saying, you’re good…just like I did when I faced myself in the mirror. But the journey only begins there. Then you have to deal with how, when, and if to come out to others. For me, I was in a small college and had lots of friends so I came flying out of the closet. I told everyone and hid nothing. It was an exciting experience. Being in college in the early nineties, I was the first openly gay person my friends had met. Sure, they probably knew plenty of gay people, but they didn’t know they knew them. I think I just confused myself with that last sentence.

I got several comments from saying things like, “You’ve made me realize that being gay isn’t really that different from being straight” or “Seeing how people react to you being gay really opens my eyes to the fact that being gay isn’t a big deal”. I saw myself as a role model and someone who helped my straight friends to better understand who I am and, hopefully, to make them more open to befriending other gay people.

But there were other gay people who were closeted and miserable and I couldn’t understand why they would live like that. Of course, as an adult I now understand that there are a million reasons why someone would choose to or not to come out. Each person’s reasons for making the choices they do are valid and no one should push them to do something simply because it’s what they would do.

In Wrestling With Love, Derek and Scott represent these two polar sides to coming out and it creates a rift between them. Both boys see things from their own perspective and, although they love one another, they wish the other would be more like them. Derek comes flying out of the closet and Scott lingers inside, wanting to test the waters slowly. They love fiercely in private and they enjoy exploring each other’s bodies, but Derek wants the world to know and see what Scott is to him and Scott isn’t ready for that and wishes Derek would be more cautious for both of their sakes.

As I wrote Wrestling With Love, once again, I got so wrapped up in the story and in the characters, that I forgot that I was writing the book, in part, to send a message: that extreme choices rarely are the right choices. Finding balance is usually the healthiest way to live.

So, now for the whole purpose of this blog post. I received an email from a reader the other day that blew my socks off. It reminded me of the whole reason I began this journey as an author and, specifically, why I allowed Derek and Scott to use me as their medium to tell their story. A young man who read Wrestling With Desire and then Wrestling With Love, wrote to me and, in part said this:

I especially enjoyed Derek’s struggle with what precisely coming out in college meant to him.  Like Derek, I didn’t truly begin dealing with my motivations for coming out until after the fact.  Before, there was simply the urge to say those words and then to gasp in that breathe those words allow.  I thought that the act itself would complete the thing that I had not yet identified as missing… I loaded into coming out, a hope that it would perform some purpose which I did not understand yet and thus could not specify.  I think that you have got it right that for my generation, coming out has become so necessary in our minds that it is now a ritual concealing the ritual’s meaning.  I felt freed by the act itself, and without having sown my own meaning into that act, demand that it give to me the meaning I lack.  I ask “what now”? …It is comforting to know that I can be gay and yet share and achieve the dreams of any man.  In a sense I feel validated in knowing that I can be as anyone else.  And yet irrationally, a thought will suddenly flit into my head that I want my difference to mark me outside of the normal life, that perhaps I want this difference to be so significant that I cannot participate in normalcy.  As being gay becomes more accepted, I feel like many of my gay friends and I face this tension, dragged from cherishing this acceptance as just another human being to wondering if I am just like a normal straight male, what does that say about the significance of my being gay.   Does or should gay have a meaning and purpose beyond sexuality?  I’d really love to hear about how Scott and Derek would handle this question.  They’ve come out in college and become active in the Alliance, but “what now”

I was simply blown away by this. I had no idea that someone would connect with what I was trying to achieve so deeply. Some of the questions asked are really big questions and one’s I wonder about myself. And in responding to this brave and honest young man, I realized that as authors we have the immense privilege of touching people this way; of providing the characters and stories that help them to connect with themselves.

I love writing emotional, character-driven stories. I think that before I embark on the story I imagined writing next for Derek and Scott, I may respond to this young man’s question: Does or should “gay” have a meaning and purpose beyond sexuality? I don’t really know the answer, but I think it has something to do with the whole “why are we here?” question. Our purpose is to find and to give happiness where we can, as often as we can, and with as much enthusiasm as possible. Does being gay distinguish how we do that? Maybe for some. Maybe not for others. The point is that each person has to live their life honestly and with optimism.

Thank you, dear readers, for reminding me why I do this and for helping me to remember that there are deeper reasons beyond hot sex and fun stories that I let these characters live out their lives on the page.

Blurb

Sometimes your first love is the one that was meant to be.


Craig Harper and Jeremy Finn were best friends growing up. They attended the same school, spent all of their time together, and hung out with the same group of people. It wasn’t until the day before Jeremy and his family moved across the country that they discovered their attraction to one another.


Fifteen years later, they reunite by chance in New York City. Both are in relationships and have established a routine in their lives. But routines and relationships are shaken as they begin to spend time together once again. Old feelings and connections are still strong and the passion that pulls them together is a powerful, soul-searing call neither man can deny.


As each deals with the issues in their own relationships, they begin to question whether the comfort of what they know is more powerful than the pull of what they could have been…and what they might become. Struggling to find the answer, only their hearts can reveal if they are meant for each other.

Title: Meant For Each other
Author Name: D. H. Starr
Publisher Name: Ai press
ISBN (If Available): 978-1456346003
Genre: Contemporary erotic romance
Number of pages: 190
Buy link: http://www.ai-press.net

Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/Meant-For-Each-Other-ebook/dp/B004BA552I/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1298943056&sr=8-2

ARe: http://www.allromanceebooks.com/product-meantforeachother-481069-144.html

 Blurb

Derek Thompson is a senior, a wrestler, and has a secret. He’s gay. Scott Thayer is a new student who has just moved to Cambridge, Massachusetts from Iowa. On the first day of school Derek and Scott meet and their lives change in an instant.

As Derek and Scott discover the things they have in common, they enter into one of the closest and most loving relationships either of them has ever experienced. When unexpected circumstances threaten their relationship, they both have to make a decision. Do they protect their secret and separate? Or fight for what they want…each other?

Title: Wrestling With Desire
Author Name: D. H. Starr
Publisher Name: Featherweight Press
ISBN (If Available): 978-1-60820-221-8
Genre: m/m young adult coming of age
Number of pages: 300
Buy link: http://featherweightpublishing.com/ShowBook.php?YA=DS_WRDESIRE

Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/Wrestling-with-Desire-ebook/dp/B00486U4ZS/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&m=AG56TWVU5XWC2&s=digital-text&qid=1298943507&sr=1-1

Blurb

Derek Thompson and Scott Thayer met in high school. Facing challenges and overcoming obstacles that would make lesser young men fold, they now have the chance to forge a life together. As they enter college, they finally have the time and space to discover each other sexually and give their virginity to each other. However, in spite of the erotic thrill of exploration, there are still challenges ahead, challenges that will test their love and devotion…

While Derek wants to live as an openly gay man, Scott wishes to maintain a degree of privacy. Not only that, but another freshman, Tyrell Jackson, becomes infatuated with Derek and wants Derek for his own. In the face of these threats to their burgeoning relationship, Derek and Scott are forced to look within themselves and make difficult decisions which will change both of their lives forever.

Is their relationship strong enough to bear the strain of balancing their needs as individuals and as a couple? The only way Derek and Scott will attain their ultimate reward is by finding the courage to face their fears. Will they rise to the challenge?

Title: Wrestling With Love
Author Name: D. H. Starr
Publisher Name: Ai Press
ISBN (If Available): 978-0-9833747-0-1
Genre: M/M contemporary erotic romance
Number of pages: 224
Buy link: http://ai-press.net/manlove-titles/

Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/Wrestling-With-Love-ebook/dp/B004NSUZJQ/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&m=AG56TWVU5XWC2&s=digital-text&qid=1298944045&sr=1-3

ARe: http://www.allromanceebooks.com/product-wrestlingwithlove-519121-144.html